Geeks United

Aiyanna is the co-host of a comic book based review show on Youtube, an arena that is still very male dominated.  Throughout the show she has to give her opinions and with that, she feels as though she has to censor herself because she worries about the harassment she might face. This is her chosen career which she loves, so it can be frustrating because she dealing with this virtual harassment.   Most of the time, the comments are attempting to correct her or saying her opinions are wrong.  Her co-workers and friends tell her to ignore her comments and just not read them which is easier on some platforms , but many of the very explicit comments have been sent via private message.

Even some of the positive comments she receives are hidden insults.  She remembered someone commented on her outfit and when she receives positive comments she like to respond to encourage that behavior.  She comments thank you and they responded “You’re welcome and has anyone told you, you’re too pretty to read comics?”

“The mean ones are weird too, like they can go anywhere from being petty to calling me ugly.  I think one of my favorites was one guy wrote in ‘Hey that red head who’s almost doable’, I was like almost doable? Thanks”

Her male co-hosts don’t receive the sexually explicit comments and those are specifically geared toward her.  All the hosts received comments talking about their age, things like “’Stupid millennials don’t know what you’re talking about’.  It’s because this industry has been established for such a long time.  It’s like there’s no winning for me.  I’m too young to understand, as a woman, I’m going to be biased, it doesn’t matter what opinion I have, it’s going to be taken down because my opinion doesn’t count because of these things to the point where I’ve stopped reading my public Facebook message.  I can’t do that anymore.”

Online Sexual Harassment

She explained that women in comics and female superheroes are extremely sexualized and many of the comments she receives are over sexualized and explicit.  She remembers one comment early on discussing someone’s fantasy of what they wanted to do to her.  She told her co-worker and they didn’t know how to respond.  She doesn’t share comments like this with her family because she’s not sure how they would react.

“It was really disturbing”

Just about two weeks ago (November 2016) “I found a video where someone had edited footage of Instagram that wasn’t linked to my name and clips of videos I’ve made online.  They edited it to make it really sexually explicit and closed up on specific body parts of mine, edited someone else’s butt into it and added in some like pornographic music.  I remember just locking myself in my bathroom and crying.”  Her boyfriend helped her through this and supported her.  

“It felt so violating. I second guessed putting myself out there online because I almost felt like if I continued to act online or share my opinion online, I was almost asking for someone to continue their behavior.  There’s really no way to make it stop unless you report it as copyright.

She’s found there are differences between the comments she receives on different social media platforms.  Aiyanna says Twitter, for the most part, if very positive and that was the platform she was most nervous about at first because there were so many people on it.  On Facebook, she receives the very sexually explicit ones.  Youtube comments can be very mean.

“Youtube is right there so they don’t have to censor themselves. They don’t have to open a new website they just put it right there.  They’re hidden behind a profile that they maybe just created for this purpose.  That’s how they posted that video.  They don’t have anything else on there or have done anything else, it’s just that video.  There’s an anonymity online that lets you do whatever you want even if you don’t truly think that because there’s no need to be held accountable for what you’re saying.”

Anxiety & Support

She does have anxiety and is open about this with her friends but doesn’t share that on her show because she feels as though it’s opening the door to something she doesn’t want to get into.  She recalls one story where her team wanted to do a live stream Q&A and she panicked.

“I felt sick to my stomach the entire time because I was so anxious about the possibility of having people see my reaction to what they were saying about me online”.

She explained that it’s one thing to read those comments and absorb them away from her viewers.  She doesn’t even have to respond and they won’t ever know if they even read it, but there is a power that is taken away where the commenter can say whatever they want and then have the ability to see the reaction they are trying to incite.  

Luckily, after talking with her co-workers, all three of them weren’t able to fit on camera so she sat off screen and would pop in when she had an answer.  This way she was able to preview comments and react off screen so the viewers didn’t see her.  She said the live Q&A went very well and they didn’t have problems with the comments.

Even though she’s been working on ways to ignore the sexist and terrible comments she receives, they still worry her.  She said she’s still not really over the video and is worried about another one being created.  When she first found that, she told one of her good friends who supported her.  Her friend went to the video to report it.

Sometimes, when she shares the harassment she faces, people’s first reaction is to ask if she isn’t just a little flattered because someone wants her sexually and shouldn’t she appreciate the attention?  “Not even a little. I don’t feel flattered or appreciated.  It almost made me want to turn off the computer and be done forever.”

Feminism

She uses her platform to speak about women in comics. “Obviously I’m a feminist and there have been comments in shock and awe about how I’m a feminist and how am I thinking these things?  I mean clearly it’s the first time you’re watching me because you should know my beliefs about women in comic and super heroes.”

She shared one story where she was discussing a feminist comic series that had been cancelled called Mockingbird.  They announced this cancellation with a photo of the main female character wearing a shirt that said “Ask me about my feminist agenda”.  Aiyanna re-created this shirt and wore it on the show and received many comments regarding that shirt.

Advice for Other Women Who Passion is Online or in Male Dominated Arenas

“Be vocal about it.” One of the scariest things she had to face was feeling very alone.  She began to talk to other women in her industry working online and reading about women in her position, hearing what they go through and how similar it is to her.  “There’s a solidarity of knowing they’re going through it too.  Sometimes you feel very alone when you’re in that moment.”

She tries to engage those who leave positive comments or have discussions with those who have differently opinions but what to respectfully engage with her.  “What I love about this geek culture is you can have an immediate connection with someone because of a character, show, game, move…you can have that spark of friendship over this made up thing and made up concept.  That’s a powerful thing to be able to do.”