Speak Out
As a nationwide speaker and educator, Karli is asked daily, “How did you get involved in this work?” Her answer is always the same: “I lived it”. Karli Johnson is a survivor of Power-Based-Personal Violence, including bullying & sexual harassment, dating violence and sexual violence. Unfortunately, her high school and college experience was similar to that of other students in the United States.
She grew up in a town of 600 people. “Nothing bad ever happened out there.” Karli had the typical high school experience. She was involved with student organizations, drama, dance, band and choir. She had great friends and what she thought, was the perfect boyfriend. He was intelligent, handsome, kind and generous. He showered her with flowers, gifts and poetry. He was perfect, or so she thought.
As a Freshmen in College, Karli slowly started to realize her relationship was becoming unhealthy and needed to end. Because he never physically hit her, it never crossed her mind this was abuse. Through the support of friends, she finally mustered the courage to break it off. It wasn't until years later she realized this was dating violence.
Two months after ending this abusive relationship, her campus, Northern Illinois University, experienced campus-wide tragedy. A gunman walked into the largest lecture hall, opening fire, killing five students including her friend, Gayle. Slowly Karli's college experience began to turn into something she dreaded.
Two years later Karli was sexually assaulted by a close friend. She was fine with saying, "he took advantage of me," but couldn't call it rape. Like most victims, she blamed herself. She didn't know whom to turn to. She felt defeated. Year after year violence seemingly took over her life and the lives of her loved ones. As her grades began to slip and her health declined, Karli felt like giving up. While she could have continued to let these traumas consume her, Karli finally reached out to the professional support she needed. She was tired of letting violence overcome her. Through this amazing transformation Karli completed her Bachelor of Arts in Communication, graduating with numerous leadership awards, while turning her traumas into a successful and inspiring career.
Life After Abuse
When she was at college during her 1st relationship there, she was afraid to leave her dorm room but afraid to stay there as well. Her ex partner not only took away her personal safety but her safety on campus. Her grades suffered as well since she missed class so often.
She lost friends during this part of her life. They ended up choosing sides during these moments in her life. She felt so alone and abandoned. Karli has triggers, one of them is anger. Her current partner plays video games so if he yells at the TV or even on the road in traffic, it makes her anxious. She still gets that way sometimes even after years of counseling, due to her PTSD.
She has trouble trusting men when it comes to sex. She rationalized her sexual assault by thinking he used me for sex and therefore men only want sex. Even with her current partner, if he goes to long without kissing her, she falls back into that way of thinking.
Pomegranate soap is another one of her triggers because that is the soap she used in college every day in the shower. The shower was a safe place for her. It was so loud no one could hear her cry and she could be alone.
How do you handle your triggers?
Karli openly talks with her partner about what she experiences. She also keeps a journal of any trigger she has no matter how small. She still goes to counseling as well.
Karli is a speaker and educator, sharing her experiences through Karli Educates, LLC where she shares her experiences and stories nationwide. When she speaks, she shares her story but changes the names and after she asked her audience who was to blame. Typically the audience will tell her the women should have left or defended herself, etc. “I basically listen to them victim blame me”. Then she reveals that story is her and begins to educate them about the myths surrounding power based violence. She makes sure to leave time for herself after she completes her program. The only person she is around is her partner to talk through what went well and what was a struggle for her. She knows how important it is to practice self care.
Lasting Thoughts
From everything she experienced, the dating violence, sexual violence, losing her friend to where she is now, giving TED talks and making a living traveling and speaking around the country, she knows she did it with the help of so many people. She has a tattoo that says “Forward together forward” which is part of NIU’s fight song and what they used after the school shooting to unite their campus. She felt so alone during her abuse and the way she got her power back was with the help of people around her, through her training, talking to other victims, counseling, confiding in her best friends and partner, calling hotlines. She always encourages survivors to share their story.
“We are stronger together and you shouldn’t have to hide this because it’s not your fault. My big thing that I’m known for is that you can talk about this and still have fun.”
She talks to high school and middle school students and while these subjects are difficult to talk about, she has a blast breaking the silence and stigma of power based violence.